Saturday, September 5, 2009

For the love of GOD and commerce

I often wonder what I would write about if I was a SAHM or a goat farmer (*wink, Pricilla). Would I possibly have enough to write about? I suppose I could get through, but then I come back to reality and remember that I am a big "D", the president and CEO of all things created equal and fruity in design. Somehow, like church is to Sundays, they ALL find their way to ME. The delusional crazies that are so fond of finding their way down the yellow brick road to my pristine little shop. Apparently I have the competence and know-how to attract them all.
It was a Friday. My parents were in town. My goal was to leave early. I had a plan and goal. Like a Friday before vacation I was checking my list off with great determination. Then the POS system crashed. (for those of you not cool enough to be a designer this equals enormous, horrific panic. How cool is that?!) Without this system I cannot make sales. Ok, no problem I will just lock the door. I was committed. Heading for the door with key in hand up pulled a brand new 430LS lexus. She gracefully appeared from the car in the sleekest fashion. Louis Vuitton bag in hand she glided to the door. CRAP! Holy crap! CRAP! Ok, no need to panic. I will just explain to her the situation, and she will understand. Right?

She entered into the shop with what looked to be disgust, or maybe it was just constipation. She perused around examining, glancing, and inspecting. Then a pillow caught her eye. (OH NO! How did that get back onto the floor, I thought?!!) This wasn't just any pillow. It was a shantung silk gold pillow that I had ALLOWED a shopper to take home "on approval". While I was out of town the shopper brought it back, STAINED! The girls didn't notice so they allowed the shopper to return it. I noticed immediately that the pillow was ruined and pulled it from inventory. BUT THERE IT WAS!! On the floor, in the prickly hands of a cranky, insatiable wasp.
I ran over to her and apologized immediately. "Im so sorry, this was pulled from inventory due to a stain, I don't feel comfortable selling it to you". Her instant response, "I will give you $2 for it." WHAT! Excuse me? Where on God's green earth did that come from? Does she really think Im going to sell her a $68 pillow for $2? In an instant my tact turned off and I spun around jarred, and disgusted. "So sorry but I would rather get them cleaned and use them in my own home" With pinched lips she said " So you won't sell it to me?" (Uh, no you malign, rude, crab I wont.) " Not for $2, no." I said to her. Pissed off, I wanted her to leave. I had a PLAN, and CHECKLIST to attend to. "So how much would you sell them to me for?" For the love of God, good God! what is this ladies PROBLEM?! "If you really want them I will sell them to you at my COST of $34."... "$34!" She regurgitated "Thats awfully expensive for a stained pillow" (no shit lady, thats why they were suppose to be pulled from inventory, THEY AREN'T FOR SALE!) After what seemed like FOREVER, she left. I locked the door annoyed and irritable but thankful she had left.

I enjoyed a lovely weekend with my parents and saw them off on Monday. By Wednesday I had fallen ill and by Thursday I had decided to close the shop. Lying in bed, DYING a slow death, my cell phone rang. "hello, this is amanda", "hi this is pillow lady, Im at your store and the door is locked, I need in so I can buy the pillows" (this cannot be happening, am I in the twilight zone?) I made my way to the store the next day. I wrapped the pillows up and waited for her arrival with exuberant, and excited anticipation like the plague. And so help me God if she made one false move I decided I would puke on her. She finally arrived just after noon. "oh I didn't want both pillows, just one of them!" Ok, deep, deep breaths. Ease and grace, finding the CALM within. I can do this. I unwrapped the TWO pillows and sold her ONE. Once again, I locked the door annoyed and irritable but thankful she had left.

I presume that everyone has to encounter a little "crazy" in an 8oz dose each week. I decided that this scenario shoved me at warp speed to 32oz and I was good to the end of the month. I was done with "crazy" at least until October. Finally feeling like a human I went in to work on Saturday to catch-up. As I approached my desk I saw the invoice with a posty note. This lady called on Friday about a pillow. Wants to know if she buys both pillows if she would get a BETTER discount. Can you call her and let her know? Thanks B. For the love of God and commerce! Lord have mercy, bring me closer to Jesus, before I kill someone!... But then I come back to reality and remember that I am the big "D", the president and CEO of all things created equal and FRUITY in design. Somehow, like church is to Sundays, they ALL find their way to ME.


  1. Well now I'm curious, did she want the stained pillow or did she come back to buy different ones? Funny story Amanda.

  2. After years and years in retail, this is nuthin'. It probably felt worse because you weren't feeling well. Rich bitches are the worst, no doubt. Can I say bitch on your blog?? Ooops, said it twice now. My bad!

  3. And THAT is why I HATE retail!! My mom had a linen shop and put up with kind of crap all the time! Rich and snooty always looking for the deal and always the rudest!

  4. The publicist was a banker before she was a goat farmer. She is sorry about your POS. She used to install them......

    People are a pain in the tail but they are why we sell things. Try Farmer's Markets as the publicist now does to sell my rich soap. She is lucky her father worked in trucking and she has a good vocabulary she can use in her head rants.

  5. I definitely deal with my share of crazies, but this lady ranks up there. Sheesh!

  6. funny ya, real good one, but i think she was a lot more than a lil crazy :D,

    take care and keep writing.........

  7. Some crazies just have no boundaries!
    Great post!

    Sassy Chica