Wednesday, June 17, 2009

A lady always wears PEARLS!




My grandmother is a force to be reckoned with. Still is. At 80 she still scares the living daylights (and midnights) out of me. She prances around blurting out absurdities like " A woman's beauty lasts only as long as her disposition stays sweet". YES, I shall remember these warm fluffy thoughts when Im divulging salacious and COLORFUL words to the truck driver who drop ships broken accessories to my store, and then so eloquently tells me to stuff it like Sunday Turkey.

Grandma is THE essential girl's guide to modern manners and etiquette. Never mind the fact that she bottled her enterprise in the 40's. Polite with a capitol "P". Her dynasty built entirely on class, sophistication and a 1950's Continental Mark II Lincoln. She is the epitome of excellence. Like some corset restricting denomination, she is all things protocol, and accepted behavior. THE template of homemaker perfection,to which Martha Stewart would deem undeniably as exemplary and unrivaled perfection. And to go against this way of thinking, well that would be THE gravest of errors.

I called up excessive Grandma on Friday to see how she has been. Incredibly, or should I say unsurprisingly, still her enchanted self. Always polite, with a capitol "P", this woman never misses a beat. With moonstruck exaggeration in her voice, and a five 0'clock toddy in hand, everything is just wonderful and fabulous. My GOD she must know Barbie; contestants in their own pageant to all things pleasant.

Her sugary sweet perfection is absolutely exhausting and exhilarating. How does she hold it together? How does she multitask and make the most minuscule task look extraordinary? I find it difficult to persuade myself each morning that anything other than flip flops, pony tail, and chapstick is outlandish. My most polished days of improvement are carried out with a pair of flats and TINTED chapstick. Unsettled and perturbed my Grandmother, to no avail will remind me, " you know dear, a LADY always wears pearls"......."and a little lipstick never hurt either".

I will never understand this divine and unnatural creature. Always stylish, and gracious Grandma never misses an opportunity to vocalize how to conduct oneself with unabashed formalities. Don't get me wrong. Grandma is the finest most formidable woman I know, to which I deeply respect. But her paradise of cultivated elegance is a bit too calculated and precise for my unbalanced, uncoordinated existence. Everything ending with a smile, as if auditioning for a broadway play she glides with poise, and a twirl with her arms in the air " remember dear, always be pleasant!" Yes PLEASANT with a capitol "P". I will TRY to remember these important indigestible words. Especially when my husband leaves his fourth, (no fifth) pair of shoes in the hallway for me to fluidly and gracefully step on for the tenth time, the car for which he leaves me NO GAS (on the day that I am late for THE MOST important appointment of my life),and the truck driver that throws my accessories into the ambiguous black hole he calls a truck resulting in Hurricane Katrina devastation. I will try to remember these important words of wisdom. Be Kind, Be pleasant, and always wear pearls!

24 comments:

  1. I live in a world of chaos too...and your Grandma is awesome, lol.

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  2. I love this post! Your grandmother sounds like one classy lady! I am going to try and use her 'A woman's beauty lasts...' statement some time this week! I also love your work!

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  3. i love old ladies, their philosophy is so mesmorizing, just a distant past i can barely comprehend life was really like that.

    i love reading your posts, i am gonna follow you!

    oh, i loved your comment on BlogBaby!

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  4. I can do one of those things, but not all of them ;) pick one.

    Grabbed your button!

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  5. I see it...I see myself being just like your G'ma! {sigh} Between the music playing and the vision of Pearls and Toddy's...this is where I want to be! Oh and I have one of those skinny ciggie's on a stick at a Cafe in Paris.
    Say "GoodBye" to chaos and holey jeans...HELLO, Ponds and rouge! XOXO

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  6. I really do think that being a lady is becoming a lost art. Hooray for grandmas!

    Thank you for the comment on my blog! Yours is great!

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  7. I read this in a bandana, a tank top, men's basketball shorts and bare feet. But I added pearls before I commented.

    What a Pleasant post. Capital P.

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  8. Love your grandma, she sounds like a firecracker! (Thanks for stopping by my blog too!)

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  9. Thank you for stopping by my blog! Hahaha your post made me literally LAUGH out loud when you mentioned the 5:00 toddy... that is my Grandma to a "T". Love it!!

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  10. Thanks for stopping by my blog!

    Wonderful post about your legendary Gram!

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  11. Love it!
    I always think it's so cute how the elderly are completely dressed up for a day of nothing.

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  12. What a fun story about your grandma. I love pearls and never have enough different kinds of strands (obviously not real :)

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  13. how about putting the contents of the farm sensory tub in a large glass bowl as a coffee table center piece LOL ;)

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  14. You know, I'm pretty sure my grandma still thinks I'm a hippie lesbian because I generally wear pants, wear large hoop earrings and also do not wear lipstick. In fact, she used to tell my mother, "The bigger the hoop, the bigger the slut." I make a point to wear my hoops whenever I know I'm going to see her.

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  15. Sounds like my Grandmother!! God rest her soul. And I DO always wear pearls too!!! And my cartoon "me" on my blog is wearing them as well, lol!!!

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  16. Nice post, we can learn a lot from our grandma's!!

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  17. Words to live by for sure! She's a lady after my own heart. Pearls make everything better.

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  18. Love this post. =)

    Have a great weekend!

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  19. I LOVE YOUR GRANDMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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