Before and after's

Most weeks I prance around here with the big "D" on my chest like God's gift to designer society. (And most weeks I am God's gift. I mean really does it get any better than me? Ha!) Placed here on special assignment to devour and conquer ugly spaces, I glide from space to space waving my magic wand of excellence. With gale force winds, I twist, tweak, and storm through the unpleasant and make things, appealing and agreeable. This however, is not one of THOSE weeks.

This week has been unfriendly, displeasing, repugnant, and downright disagreeable. Gasp! I'm going to head over to Kristen's (at cup of chaos) and just steal the whole bottle of Vodka. Maybe two. Taking one drink at a time, out of this CUP of chaos, is just not working! Im beyond cups and chaos at this point. I need a BOTTLE of pandemonium with a side of havoc, mayhem and I will take anarchy for dessert.

To bring back that luster of hope that I am gifted, accomplished, and talented, I thought I would put up some before and afters. Maybe this will help me feel like a competent, capable designer who can actually CREATE, design and implement, despite the fact that my clients think Im a punching bag, door mat, and bank of trust. Enjoy!

TARGET TUESDAY!

So Im a little behind with my Target Tuesday today. I have been in the midst of a design crisis! Oh my! I received a call from a client last Wednesday. She needed accessories for her home for a big party on Saturday. Typically I don't rush to the demands of a "party". But she is a very good client. Despite being submerged in inventory, 35 other active clients, and a new contract with Comfort Inn suites, I made it happen. To my great disappointment and shock she emailed me this morning saying that she was returning SOME of the items. Typically on an accessories installation a client will return one or two items. She returned 80%!!

Accessories are the jewelry of the home. They make it complete. But in spite of the results they bring, installs are time consuming, hectic, costly, and they require man power. When a client decides to return items they have a heart attack when they get charged for TIME. I cannot do this for FREE. So alas I have been in the midst of a design crisis today. Not to mention the fact that 4 of the items returned were damaged. SO I charged a small fee to cover the fact that these items now have to be discounted. HEART ATTACK!! Holy jesus hit the brakes! You mean I have to PAY you to shop, pick, wrap, load, unload, unwrap, and place the items?! And I have to be RESPONSIBLE to get them back to you in pristine condition. Preposterous! Target takes my returns! So on with the SHOW!

In honor of my lovely, cranky, worn out bloggy friend Kristin (from cup of chaos) we are going to focus on accessories for the kitchen island. What does this have to do with my crisis? Absolutely nothing. What does this have to do with Kristen? Absolutely nothing. But she asked me nicely with a "pretty please" and a "cherry on top". With the kind of day I have had a "please" with a side of "cherries" will get you about anything today. So our kitchen island accessory of choice, Glass canisters. I love, love, love glass canisters. They add sparkle and sophistication to your counter, especially when they have lids! They are spectacular containers for coffee, fruit bars, snack bars, pasta, snack packs, fruit, candy (it has SUGAR in it!!) and crackers. It is a great way to "contain" everyday items in an up to date, stylish way. And when snacks look this good it makes them fun to display, fill and eat! YUM!

So my dear friends I apologize for the delay in our beloved Target Tuesday. But as you have read, Ive been busy, frustrated and irritated (with a side of chaffing on the rear.) Thinking of my lovely canisters makes me happy. Actually, thinking of my lovely and dear friend, Kristen, hiding in a ditch under a bush with a martini, makes me even happier. Start counting up those quarters my love, mamas coming to join you for a drink and a pick me up! ( I have been throwing quarters at her all day in fear of ruining my heels. But those suckers are coming off and I am making the hike down the hill for a drink!) Happy target tuesday!

In honor of Labor Day

In honor of labor day and a farewell to our beloved summer I thought I would post some of my favorite outdoor spaces. These are spaces I would love to enjoy some afternoon reading, and evening with friends, or a midnight nightcap!

How great would this space be for an afternoon lunch with close friends.

Holy Jesus. I just want to live here! I will even sleep on the couch or the floor! Isn't this view to die for!

This space space would be lovely to enjoy with that special someone, and a glass a wine.

What a great space to kick back, grab a great book, light a fire on a cool night and get lost in ghouls, dragons and vampires.

What a great extension of space. Bringing the indoors out this space would be perfect for an afternoon business brunch, philanthropic fund raiser, or an intimate gathering with friends.

This cozy little space screams quiet evening dinner with my hubby.

I want to put on my favorite PJ's, grab a glass of sweet tea, my favorite throw, and get lost in a style mag.

(All photos compliments of house beautiful magazine)

And last but not least! This space makes me want to call my bestest girlfriend, grab a bottle of pinot and spend an afternoon dishing about all the ridiculous gossip and rumors. (A guilty pleasure that we would never admit to!)

Have a great labor day everyone!!

For the love of GOD and commerce

I often wonder what I would write about if I was a SAHM or a goat farmer (*wink, Pricilla). Would I possibly have enough to write about? I suppose I could get through, but then I come back to reality and remember that I am a big "D", the president and CEO of all things created equal and fruity in design. Somehow, like church is to Sundays, they ALL find their way to ME. The delusional crazies that are so fond of finding their way down the yellow brick road to my pristine little shop. Apparently I have the competence and know-how to attract them all.

It was a Friday. My parents were in town. My goal was to leave early. I had a plan and goal. Like a Friday before vacation I was checking my list off with great determination. Then the POS system crashed. (for those of you not cool enough to be a designer this equals enormous, horrific panic. How cool is that?!) Without this system I cannot make sales. Ok, no problem I will just lock the door. I was committed. Heading for the door with key in hand up pulled a brand new 430LS lexus. She gracefully appeared from the car in the sleekest fashion. Louis Vuitton bag in hand she glided to the door. CRAP! Holy crap! CRAP! Ok, no need to panic. I will just explain to her the situation, and she will understand. Right?

She entered into the shop with what looked to be disgust, or maybe it was just constipation. She perused around examining, glancing, and inspecting. Then a pillow caught her eye. (OH NO! How did that get back onto the floor, I thought?!!) This wasn't just any pillow. It was a shantung silk gold pillow that I had ALLOWED a shopper to take home "on approval". While I was out of town the shopper brought it back, STAINED! The girls didn't notice so they allowed the shopper to return it. I noticed immediately that the pillow was ruined and pulled it from inventory. BUT THERE IT WAS!! On the floor, in the prickly hands of a cranky, insatiable wasp.

I ran over to her and apologized immediately. "Im so sorry, this was pulled from inventory due to a stain, I don't feel comfortable selling it to you". Her instant response, "I will give you $2 for it." WHAT! Excuse me? Where on God's green earth did that come from? Does she really think Im going to sell her a $68 pillow for $2? In an instant my tact turned off and I spun around jarred, and disgusted. "So sorry but I would rather get them cleaned and use them in my own home" With pinched lips she said " So you won't sell it to me?" (Uh, no you malign, rude, crab I wont.) " Not for $2, no." I said to her. Pissed off, I wanted her to leave. I had a PLAN, and CHECKLIST to attend to. "So how much would you sell them to me for?" For the love of God, good God! what is this ladies PROBLEM?! "If you really want them I will sell them to you at my COST of $34."... "$34!" She regurgitated "Thats awfully expensive for a stained pillow" (no shit lady, thats why they were suppose to be pulled from inventory, THEY AREN'T FOR SALE!) After what seemed like FOREVER, she left. I locked the door annoyed and irritable but thankful she had left.

I enjoyed a lovely weekend with my parents and saw them off on Monday. By Wednesday I had fallen ill and by Thursday I had decided to close the shop. Lying in bed, DYING a slow death, my cell phone rang. "hello, this is amanda", "hi this is pillow lady, Im at your store and the door is locked, I need in so I can buy the pillows" (this cannot be happening, am I in the twilight zone?) I made my way to the store the next day. I wrapped the pillows up and waited for her arrival with exuberant, and excited anticipation like the plague. And so help me God if she made one false move I decided I would puke on her. She finally arrived just after noon. "oh I didn't want both pillows, just one of them!" Ok, deep, deep breaths. Ease and grace, finding the CALM within. I can do this. I unwrapped the TWO pillows and sold her ONE. Once again, I locked the door annoyed and irritable but thankful she had left.

I presume that everyone has to encounter a little "crazy" in an 8oz dose each week. I decided that this scenario shoved me at warp speed to 32oz and I was good to the end of the month. I was done with "crazy" at least until October. Finally feeling like a human I went in to work on Saturday to catch-up. As I approached my desk I saw the invoice with a posty note. This lady called on Friday about a pillow. Wants to know if she buys both pillows if she would get a BETTER discount. Can you call her and let her know? Thanks B. For the love of God and commerce! Lord have mercy, bring me closer to Jesus, before I kill someone!... But then I come back to reality and remember that I am the big "D", the president and CEO of all things created equal and FRUITY in design. Somehow, like church is to Sundays, they ALL find their way to ME.

TARGET TUESDAY!

I swear if it wasn't for this weekly Target Tuesday commitment I would forget to come on here! As my friend and fellow Band of Barbies blogger Kristen says, Im a psycho blogger! But since business has picked up I have found it harder to get on here. Typically Im a psycho, stalking blogger with a big D on my chest (stands for DESIGNER for the new kids on the block.) I have insomnia, and I tend to have a little of the A.D.D, which makes a winning combination for the multitasking, lunatic designing blogger that I am. Or shall I say WAS. I still have the A.D.D, and I still have the insomnia but for some reason my desire and excitement has drifted. I know it is absolutely preposterous! How could someone possibly lose the interest, the desire to blog? It could be the A.D.D. I do tend to get bored quickly. Bouncing off the walls Im jumping from fabric, phone calls, emails, accessory selection and in an instant, like a tunnel visioned puppy, SQUIRREL!!!! I drop the ball and run like a foolish inefficient wacko to the grey chipmunk up the tree. Wait, what was I doing? I think I was in the middle of an email, or was it fabric? I don't have a clue, but aren't squirrels cute? I love how they play and run in the trees like a jungle gym, or is that chipmunks? I love Alvin. He is so funny. Who ever thought to make a cartoon out of them is a genius.......(So you catch the drift of how my typical day transpires.)

It never seems to amaze me that by the end of the day I am whirling in the aftermath of my days tornado. What on gods green earth did I do today? I have been busy as a mad hatter and yet nothing is done. Guess that will go to tomorrows to-do list. It may be kooky and I do have a tendency to be a high energy fruitcake but that's what keeps them coming back for more. I never loose my cool, and somehow someway my girls come through for me and make me look like a designer hero! With a big D on my chest. So for todays Target Tuesday Im going to focus on designer day planners. I usually have three or four of these suckers going on at one time. Why you ask do I need three or four...well that is because they tend to disappear for a day or two so I just start with a fresh one, until the old one pops up, makes perfect, efficient, organized sense.

I may sound like an undomesticated horse that needs training. ( And if you asked my husband he would probably agree) I may even sound a tad disheveled. But once I write something down, it is permanently carved into my brain. I don't know how it works, but I manage to remember everything. I always know what's ordered, when it is expected, who needs what, and whats to come. As long as I write it down once. So my fancy little designer planners won't be little at all. They will be at least 9x12 in size. Makes it easier to find. They will be in BRIGHT colors, also easy to find. They will have fun patterns on them and enclosed you will find lined paper and blank paper. Designers don't like restrictions or to be confined by rules so two kinds of paper gives us options. They will have pockets on the inside sleeves for additional notes, IMPORTANT posty notes, and business cards. And just to fancy it up in designer fashion I will gold and silver leaf the edges of paper. That just may discourage me from loosing it. Doubtful, but I can always make a lousy attempt with a smile on my face PROMISING my girls that I will do it.....or maybe or wont! Happy Target Tuesday!!

Under the weather, in a ditch

Abby the Tabby AKA: Abracadabra, or AB TAB

Inky: AKA: The Hippo
Why must mom decorate me? Well it's attention, so I will go with it.
Oh my god I love boxes. All boxes. I love paper, and boxes. Big boxes, little boxes, and I love all paper!! And by the way, you cannot see me, Im in stealth mode. Highly secretive operation here.

Im feeling under the weather and in a ditch today. I was under the bridge yesterday too. Everything and I mean EVERYTHING hurts. And to make matters worse my stomach feels like it is on fire, a volcano with built up frustration and anger bubbling further into aggravation. I cant decide if I want to sit, stand, or lay down. It is too hard to make such a decision in this state. Im agitated, and irritable, and then five seconds later I want to cry in defeat. Maybe my husband is right. It would be much easier to go out back and just shoot me. At least all of this would be over.

I missed work yesterday. My girls do not come in on Thursdays. So the shop was closed. I made the mistake of leaving my cell number on the door. I swear to heaven on earth if I received one more call from a damn delivery truck, irate and cranky, wanting to deliver goods I was going to shoot THEM! Despite my dissatisfaction I made the decision to come in today. Pointless. Im sitting here at the computer practically drooling in irritation and discomfort. I can barely move. My girls will be here in an hour. I cannot wait. Although I don't know why. I will just go home and be irritated in discomfort and all ALONE at home. In a universe that is so complex and organized why must we get illness? Couldn't GOD just skip over this part? At any rate if you haven't caught my drift, Im miserable. So I guess I will take my irritable, cranky pants home and sulk. Oh and one more thing. Why is it when you feel this way the worst, and I mean the WORST television is on? I already feel crappy. Do I really need to flip through infomercials of the snuggie, Billy Mayes, and Tony Robbins? To make us all feel better Im posting three of my favorite things, abby the tabby, inky AKA: the hippo, and Nike, A.K.A: big bear/big kitty/Nike no toes (no toes comes from the fact that he has NEVER been able to jump because his toes don't work) But I love him anyways! Awww dont these make you smile? They make me feel a weee bit better.

Nike AKA: Big bear/ Big kitty/ Nike no toes (he weighs 20 lbs!! Isn't he C-U-T-E!)

Off to Babylon where the pie don't taste so sweet..

About a month ago the lovely and wonderful Vicente Wolf wrote a post about client behavior. Clients tend to have high expectations from their designers. However, they don't always want to pay for the work required to get from point A to point B. Thus clients are prone to unrealistic, impractical, and often times unfeasible assumptions. They anticipate a storyboard of ideas and a jaw dropping presentation and soon drop their eagerness to move forward when the bill comes in the mail. "what! You want me to PAY for the time you spend to put together a presentation?" After awhile I got used to the response, but I have also become callous in my own expectations.

For those of you new to the design block, the bulk of a design project happens in the beginning stages of a project. Countless hours go into research, space-planning, color analysis, furniture, fabrics, lighting, and sifting through hundreds of books, materials and samples. I have personally invested over 30 hours doing research just to redo one room. I want the space to be perfect in design, concept and function. And like any research it is about experimentation and discovery. Once the materials and ideas are pulled, it needs to be structured and organized in an efficient and methodical order to best show the client the "vision". Countless hours!

Despite years of presentations, it still surprises me when I get the client that refuses to pay for this. They want to meet with two or three designers, to choose the BEST one. That is fine by me, but you will pay me for my TIME. I often try to put it in perspective for them. "Would you go into work an hour early and stay an hour late every day, without pay, because your boss wants to SEE if you are the best one?" Funny enough they always have an answer that favors their point over mine.

I will never understand why people do not respect this profession. I have a college education, in DESIGN, and I earn a living on my TIME. How do you suppose I pay my girls, my rent, my electric bill, my phone bill....?? By giving it away?? Afraid not. In order for me to pay my overhead, and carry the products I carry it takes money. The magical green paper that solves all the world problems. So the next time you want to drag me to Babylon and back, where the pie don't taste so sweet, think twice, because I have grown very weary of travel and Im real tired of bad pie. Remember dear clients, we live in the south where EVERYTHING takes butter, sugar and love to taste better.

Half assed TARGET Tuesday!

Im sure ALL of you have noticed I have been on Hi-A-tus. (That's just fun to say!) I wish I could say I was on hiatus doing something fun, entertaining and full of jolly saint nick. But to everyone's disappointment, including my own, it has simply been repetitive, monotony I call life and work. Throw in a little visit from the family and I catch the garden variety "momentary" insanity that pushes it's way front and center. Such insanity contributes to jarring side effects that eliminate any good F-U-N like blogging, sleeping, or eating. Have I mentioned how much I love eating and sleeping? Have I mentioned how much I LOVE butter and sugar?Did you know that when you mix them they taste EVEN better!!??

Ok, so we are severely off track. I suppose it is to be expected when I haven't blogged in a week and my mind is racing in a hamster wheel at warp speed. Im going to attempt to stay on track, as best I can, and focus on my beloved Target. This week I would like to work on Vases. Now Target generally has a fairly good selection of vases. BUT not all year round. And they are typically all clear. Can we say BORING? I like anything in glass to have personality, style, and color. Clear glass can be attractive if the style has a screaming personality. I love vases that have a combination of colors that are tastefully done and decorative. Some vases get a little crazy with the confetti glass and make me turn the other way in the isle and RUN!

My vases will be contemporary and tastefully done. I will offer a range of sizes, styles, and colors. I will have vases that are purely decorative and I will offer vases that are functional. My vases will work with any style decor and they will be very easy to decorate with. The best part will be the flowers your significant other brings home to put in the new vase! Or you can streak the neighborhood in a wild rampage, grabbing flowers along the way, ripping them from trees, bushes and gardens to fill in your perfect and stylish Target vase.

TARGET TUESDAY!

Can you believe this is our 8th Target Tuesday! Wow, who knew there were so many Tuesday's over the Summer? I suppose I could have counted them ahead of time, plotted and mapped out a plan, been organized and prepared and projected accordingly. But details such as those are the reason I am a DESIGNER. The inferior designator. Arranging such plans are way out of league, my hemisphere of thought patterns range in "Ooooo pretty, and OMG! that's gorgeous! Does chartreuse work in are design theme?" Outside of that, air traffic control pipes in my ear DANGER, DANGER, if you choose to proceed you will explode. That's about as technical and complex as I get. Trust me I have the best of intentions. I have impeccable taste, but pondering ideas much past the notion of "p-r-e-t-t-y! does it work?," are reflection of a true creative musing. And besides I think Barbie had it right all along. Anything past pink poodles, the dream house, furnishing the dream house, and dressing the pink corvette with more fabulous finds, is just a waste of time. Do we really NEED to hear more dreadful, gory details about the decline of healthcare, our turbulent, unrecognizable economy and the repulsive job market? Insufferable. This is not an excerpt from a Jane Austin book, so lets not focus on despair, lets focus on things that are pleasant, and agreeable!

Pleasant and agreeable. Check here for YES! Now I know that it is summer and most of us are doing everything we can to keep our clothes on for the sake of being decent. (Who came up with that rule anyways? Why cant we just peel off our clothes like a two year old and run, screeching at the top of our lungs, down the hall without a strange peculiar "Lord have mercy what is she doing stare?") Rules, too many rules! Today my attention will be on blankets. Yes, yes, I know that it is in fact summer, and it is hard to imagine anything more than our underthings on in this miserable, steamy heat. Keep in mind that Fall is just a few short weeks away. Can you believe it?

Blankets play many roles in a household. They instantly add a punch of color and pizazz to a sofa or chair. They add warmth and comfort on a cold rainy day. They are ideal cuddle havens with the kids or hubby, and who doesn't have a pet that instantly gravitates to a fluffy blanket for comfort? Blankets are also perfect for that afternoon Sunday nap to recharge from the previous hectic work week. Blankets are soft, comforting, cozy and instantly SHOUT relaxation, and tranquility. It's as if when you walk in the door and see it there on the sofa, the wave of "AHHHHHHHHH" melts onto you.

Blankets add luxury, comfort and warmth to a home. They are welcoming, create a sense of security and who doesn't love to be 'snug as a bug in a rug?' They bring togetherness, in an otherwise hectic household. My blankets from Target will have a down home, southern handmade feel. They will recharge, relax and best of all be simple. They will add that much needed punch to your decor, but they will be what I call the "wild card." They will be in very FUN prints, and patterns, and as a wild card item that means it will easily work into any decor. They will bring a smile to your face and encourage you to strip off your clothes to your underthings, run around the house like a screeching two year old, and rush like an idiot to the sofa to get under the blanket for warmth, comfort, and "AHHHHHHH".

What's your color personality? by Interior designer Amanda Burdge

So the delightful and charismatic Maria Killam, over at Color Me Happy, has jogged me into a corner with crayola crayon's, scented markers, some candy, and spongebob squarepants stickers (with a cheerful, and delighted merriment knowing darn well I don't have the strength to turn down SPONGEBOB, or candy, it has SUGAR in it!) bribing me to take the "What's your color Personality" challenge. Now I don't know about ya'll, but when I see a a hand full of snazzy spongebob squarepants stickers dancing with glitter in combination with a box of 96 count crayola crayons WITH BUILT-IN sharpener, I turn into a screeching, elated, over the moon two year old running around the house trying to find my Cinderella coloring book. DAMN her! She knows my weaknesses!! And with that I accepted the bribe and said YES! What can I say, with my lute in hand I spent the afternoon, sniffing markers, blanketing the Tabby cat in Spongebob stickers,(hehe, look the spongebob dances when tabby's butt moves) and chewing on red crayons all with a psychedelic orange and blue cinderella reverie. Good Times! So here ya go Maria, this is for you!!

1) What's the first color you see in the morning? A grey striped Tabby butt (now covered in stickers) molesting me at 5am.

2)What color are your eyes? Depends, on a good day they are suppose to be green. But after sniffing markers, they have a tendency to get a little bloodshot.

3)What color do you wear the most? Im pretty blurry eyed when I step into the closet in the morning. The fact that I get to work clothed is a miracle in it self. But I think I manage to wear a lot of green and pink.

4) What color do I never wear? Yellow. Hate it. Makes me think of bananas. Who wants to look like a chiquita? But the stickers are fun to wear on your forehead!

5)What color do you wear when you want to feel sexy? Red Valentino heels, do you need anything else?

6)What color gets you the most compliments? Black. It's a serious take no prisoners color, especially with the red heels. Although the red crayon in the teeth and the blue marker on the nose probably takes the seriousness down a notch.

7)What color is your lipstick? Bubble gum chapstick from Dr Harr. When you chew on crayons, the whole lipstick thing kinda becomes a problem

8)What color was your living room growing up? Dead body beige. It was the 80's. Color was SO passe (no wonder Im addicted to paint and crayons, I was deprived as a child!)

9)What color was your bedroom when you were growing up? Beige. BUT I had vibrant purple colored carpet. The kind that blinds you to stupidity!

10)What color are your sheets? Blue, green, beige, and brown paisley. They feel slimy they are so soft!

11) What color was your favorite crayon as a child? Pink! Thus the reason I have moved on to red crayons....it's more grown up of me.

12) What color is your car? Hippo grey with a side of awesome

13)What color was your prom dress? Unfortunately I skipped on prom and went straight to the after party. Jeans, a white tank top, and ZIMA cooler in hand. God we were so cool it was wicked!

14)What's your favorite gemstone? Dare I say, not big on the jewelry. But Grandma always put down the law and forced me to wear pearls. Thus, I have two strands of them.

GOOD GOD, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, HOLY MARY JESUS AND JOSEPH. I CANT BELIEVE I AGREED TO THIS. DOES IT FEEL LIKE THIS IS GOING ON FOR DAYS? I FEEL ABUSED AND TORTURED. OK DEEP BREATHS, IN OUT, IN OUT.......CRAYONS, SPONGEBOB, MARKERS....OK I CAN DO THIS

15)What is your favorite flower? Anything that my husband brings to me. (As long as he doesn't first go to the cemetery) I will take anything he brings to me.

16)What color makes you happiest? Red because it always seems to lead to something naughty.

17)What color depresses you? Yellow.

18)What color calms you? Abby the Tabby. But she is a miserable ugly gray with a side of darker grey stripes. Hehe..( I heart my abby the tabby) but if you turn her around she has colorful stickers on her butt in blue and green. Those make me happy!

19)What color makes you grind your teeth? How about a blonde haired, 40 something, color specialist, that comes at you with a bag of crayons, markers, and stickers, threatening me to write a post about my color personality?

20) What color would you like to try but are scared to? Grey. I get enough of it at 5 am.

Oh for the love of GOD, we are done! Yay!! So I hope all of you enjoy this. And just know, I was pinned against a chain linked fence, in a dark alley being bribed with desirable lute, and a little candy (GOD I love candy, it has sugar in it!) to bring this to you today. Don't get any ideas either, because I refuse to be abused and bribed in such a manner ever again. I quit crayons and spongebob with the help of Tabby anonymous.